You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
