a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
