He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
