A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
