Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize