Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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