you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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