I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
