Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want a musical about memes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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