I faked an abortion last night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
