he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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