Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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