Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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