Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
