I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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