I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
