She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.