I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!