Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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