You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
