she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
