How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
