Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
