I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.