I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Awful Traits That Pretentious People Exhibit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
People Share Why They Quit a Job on The Spot
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore