Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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