i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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