respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
