I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
