i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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