Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
