laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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