I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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