i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
