she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
