that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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