btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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