I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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