its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
