The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
