Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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