but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the liver wants what the liver wants
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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