i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
