Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
