I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
