He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
