Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
