but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.