I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
True strength comes from lack of pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud