Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My vagina is officially offended.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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