I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
