Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
