Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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