the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
