i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
