Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
