I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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