Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And then he peed in my hair
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