hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
