Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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