don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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