I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
