What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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