If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
