So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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