ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
