new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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