I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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