Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
