Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
