I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
